Lessons learned

The moment we decide to let someone into our life, we open the doors to our fears, our way of loving, our hopes, our aspirations, our dreams, our perceptions as well as our vulnerability. Therefore, the question is; how do we let people in with all our vulnerabilities? But before I go deep into the topic or into details on how that can be done, I would like to share a personal experience with you first and the reason why it felt so crucial to me to write about it. 

Please note that this was something that I experienced; therefore I am not generalizing nor stereotyping but just sharing my thoughts on a specific situation or happening and/or event. I will admit I am not the most trusting person on the cosmos of this earth but I give everyone the chance and possibility to prove me wrong or right at any giving time. 

Before, I narrate the happenings let me present some background story. I am a giver, due to my beliefs as well as my upbringing; I know that we are all in this life to assist one and another and to prevent the worst to happen to each other, if the condition allows and the chance is given for me to be at the helping end or the difference in someone’s situation/condition or life, I will always go for it and be just that. I have witnessed my parents as well as friends acting the same way I would at any giving time. 

After that is said and done, let me narrate my scenario; I witness a situation were by I let my halo down, meaning even though I help I don’t trust blindly. In this situation I decided to put all my hesitations aside and let me “emotions” get the best of me. 

It was a friendship that I held very dear to my heart and believed at the giving time that the person in question had made a sincere effort to get to know how I am as a person and what I value the most; so to say my does and don’ts. Anybody that knows me knows I don’t make deep connections with just anybody but when I do, I don’t take it lightly or for granted. 

This was a person I trusted, as much I can trust, with specific thoughts, fears, doubts & hopes about myself as well as society in general, which I just don’t share easily. The friendship was at the starting point amazing. We had a lot of fun, inspirational and motivational moments that I will cherish for the rest of my life. 

A couple of years down the line, I started noticing questionable behavior and attitude that I generally just don’t like to have around me and that didn’t seem right. It seemed to me like that friend, was trying to bring out the worst in me in a very low-key kind of way, by creating conversations and situations that would make me look bad, if I would react to them “out of the norm” as they anticipated. I saw the signs but I ignored them because at that moment in time, if I should be totally honest with you all, it was just difficult for me to accept that the friend I got to like so much, was acting like that; as I said, I let my “emotions” get the best of me. At first, I thought I might be over analyzing the situation, as I usually did back then, therefore I started explaining the behavior for the person and making excuses on why the person was suddenly acting the way they were, but as Maya Angelo ones said, “when people show you who they are, believe them”. 

I will not go too deep into details about what exactly happened out of respect (yes, I still have respect for that person, just because a person shows you who they are doesn’t give me or anybody else the right to disrespect them) of the other party involved and the end of the story was; the friend did something that would have affected me professionally as well as personally, if I wouldn’t have taken the right percussion at the “right time”, as I did. 

In my opinion, I had (there were) three lessons to learn in my (this) situation, which answers the question on how we can let people in without being too vulnerable: 

The first lesson was, no matter how much we think we know someone and care for someone, don’t let your “emotions” get the best of you (which does not mean that emotions are generally a bad thing) to the extent that you start questioning yourself, when you deep down know you haven’t done anything wrong. However, this doesn’t you shouldn’t still trust your feelings as well as listing to what your heart is telling you. 

The second lesson was, to stay with one of my life mottos; to never give anybody so much power, that the can change the goodness and kindness I have in my heart, which is one of my cure values. 

The third lesson was, to forgive the person and thereby regaining the power of my own emotions back. And no, it wasn’t easy and I will not pretend it came to me immediately but at one point after being upset to my bones/cure, I asked myself if I should hold on to these happenings/situation; who will it effect more, me or the other person. And it would have been definitely me. I wrote a piece about forgiveness and all I mentioned there was things I had to live by for my own sanity, regaining my own power and using my energy for things in life that will matter to the empowerment of myself and others. 

In conclusion, vulnerability is nowadays sadly associated with weakness, which I don’t think is accurate at all. To be able to show out our vulnerable side for me; is to be so in tuned with yourself that nothing could really disrupt your inner peace and self-love. Furthermore, in certain situation we should allow our “emotions” to get the best of us, which will enable growth and the realization on what will allow others to do to us and how much we are willing to tolerate.

Wholly Marie